Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
