BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
