Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
