Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
