TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
