i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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