; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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