there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
