sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
