JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
