I have demons in me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
