Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
