turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
