I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
