i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
