What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
