Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
