so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
