Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
