there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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