He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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