She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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