Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
