I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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