She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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