Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
