I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
