I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
