The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
