she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
