You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
