well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think my fart just growled at me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
