I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
