You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
