1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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