i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
