I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
