Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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