I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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