I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
