I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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