So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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