i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
