I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
did you just send me my own nude
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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