Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
