yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
