I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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