my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
