GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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