Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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