dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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