you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
its liver damage thursday
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
