I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
