I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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