No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
