you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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