Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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