The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
