you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
