theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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