soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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