it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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