Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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