I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
