Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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