i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
