are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
