I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
