I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
