That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
