we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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