you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Non-Jews are for practice
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
