i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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