Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
did you just send me my own nude
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
