i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
