I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
